NOTE: An abridged version of this entry came out on The Philippine Daily Inquirer and the PMAP magazine. Check it out through the PDI online portal HERE.
If you have been following this blog long enough, you would know by now that one of my biggest aspirations is to work as a full time writer. Bigger long-term (and impossible) goals include 1) producing a collection of poems and prose 2) being a regular columnist for an established paper or magazine and 3) joining and winning the Palanca.
Recently I was invited by a web company to join its team of homebased article writers. I have sent applications in the past to innumerable outfits and only a few considered my application, being a non-graduate of a writing-related course.
With no hesitations, I dived in. A few days later, another web company asked me to do part-time blogging/web content updating for them, and as that doesn’t violate the contract, I accepted the offer as well . Two similar companies sent me an invitation for a pre-employment exam.
And immediately I was swamped with work.
The breaking-in stage is extremely difficult. Days and nights passed with me working like a full-time employee, unable to sleep or eat normally. My hands and the small of my back in constant pain, eyes always dry and burning, my head heavy with pressure. Although I have previous freelance writing experience, my work at present requires more attention to detail and structure, the terms, stricter than ever. There are days I’d palpitate from the stress, with deadlines and wordcounts always hanging over my head like an axe over the jugular. Normally, a 3000-word article would only consume 4-5 hours, but because I’m too OC and want my articles to be perfect, I spend an entire day writing and researching.
To my surprise, writing ceased to be liberating and as enjoyable as it has been majority of the time. There are moments that I come to the brink of giving up. My employers happen to be very considerate but that doesn’t mean the rules are laxer.
If anything, I’m more homebound and more pre-occupied than ever. This is not an 8-5 job where you can simply punch in your timecard, do the routinary paperwork, go home and relax with a cold bottle of beer.
There are times I’d ask myself if this is the road I’m really willing to take, what with such physical and mental debility than any of my past jobs combined and below average compensation. Yes, I love writing as passionately as I do my marriage. I can’t imagine life devoid of all literary activities. An abstinence would mean a passing on of my spirit, and cutting off an intrinsic part like a limb. But I’ve also come to terms that any writing enthusiast should make these realities clear to himself:
1) Writing is not for the lazyboned. Contrary to common notion, homebased jobs like writing require more discipline and a lot more hardwork than the regular office job. Since no one is around to supervise you and give out warning memos, you have to push yourself harder. That means minimizing cigarette breaks and petiks hour and refraining from engaging in diversional activities like watching your favorite shows, updating your blog and answering mails, phishing on your friends’ facebook updates, uselessly sitting around and eating too much cake.
A lot of people are under the impression that writers have all the luxury of time and that they can take all the breaks they want, whenever they want. Completely misleading. As a writer, you take charge of everything, from the words you write to the formula necessary to make it work to the consequences . You have to set your own ground rules and strictly abide by it. You are your own critic, the manager/editor and the sole laborer. If you don’t write now, you don’t get paid. Unlike day (or night) jobs, you can’t be on an absentee or perennial latecomer status. There are no paid vacation or sick leaves, no holidays, no half-day incentives, no HMO benefits, no Christmas bonuses or 13-month pay. You get what you work for. Ergo, if you cease to work (even for a day) or work poorly, you get zero income.
2)Writing is not easy work. As I may quote from Gene Fowler, “All you do is sit staring at a blank sheet of paper until drops of bloodform on your forehead.” The inspiration and the drive will not be omnipresent. There are days when you’re on a high and writing is such a breeze. But there are also times when even if your hand wants to, your heart and brain just won’t function properly. Words don’t always run a natural flow. Writing for a blog is entirely different from writing for work. Blogs allow freefall as much as you please, while formal writing requires limits, certain keywords to adhere to and topics you just don’t want to write about or can’t simply understand no matter how many hours you devote to studying it (in my case, that includes economics, business, stocks and politics, among many others). Writing for work equals tenfolds of elaborate research minus fluff multiplied by flawless proofreading skills, novelty, precision and good manipulation of the language and structural flow.
3) Writing is not a prestigious job. Web content writers (in the Philippines, particularly) earn P10,000 to P15,000 on the average (around $200 – $350) excluding taxes, half if you’re only working part time. Writers who pen books only earn about 15 percent of the total sales. And as mentioned, most writers do not have employment benefits.
Only a small percentage gets to be published, and that would take years of hardwork and a network of inside connections. If by any chance, your name gets to be on print, be reminded that fame doesn’t equate to wealth.
There are times you’d rather sleep or chat with a friend, but writing requires solitary confinement. Writers need to be oblivious to external stimuli in order to complete a task. We can’t hold parties at work, neither can other people hold parties while we are at work. If you are used to interaction, you may find it difficult to write. Because, whether you like it or not, writing requires major focus, a lot of alone time and extensive reading.
4) Even if you’re propelled by passion and equipped with sufficient skills, that’s not enough to get hired. In the Philippines, most employers base qualifications on collegiate history. Majority of those who weren’t able to study Masscom, Journalism, Literature or other writing-related courses tend to get ostracized by the short-sighted standards of the journalism industry. Apparently, not a lot of employers are convinced by the fact that course does not equate to great skills and talent. As that’s usually the case, people who have the innate knack for writing but ended up in another course miss out on the opportunity of having a formal writing experience under their belt. We end up hiding in secret corners, limiting our thoughts to diaries that no one may be able to read. It’s like the same situation for nurses nowadays: clinics, hospitals and companies require years of experience as a pre-requisite to employment (volunteer work, as a general rule, doesn’t count). If you’re a novice with no practical experience at all, the cycle of rejection and unemployment simply repeats itself. How can people have experience then if no one would dare give them a chance?
But I digress.
Plagued by these worries I begin to doubt the possibility of nurturing this dream to its full-grown adulthood. Time and again, I’d get envious of acquaintances who had their bloodlines encrypted a dominant gene trait for supernatural writing prowess and literary descendants . What would have happened if I never stopped writing after college, followed my instincts and took a different turn along the road? I’m too old to make a career shift, does that mean that during my sagging 30s I’ll still be on an entry level position? Am I still that writer I was once was: hopeful, full of ardor and curiosity? Inside this entry I’m still trying to find the answers.
But remembering what my boss said of the articles I passed: “All in all you did a very good job. Well-researched, good flow. You really did a good job.” I feel a strength, a gleam of hope, somehow. The journey is sometimes shaky, peculiar, full of upsets. But I wouldn’t want to waste even the slightest hint of opportunity because I was overshadowed with doubt. A writer’s greatest foe is self-doubt. Most of us reach the end the of our lives settling, never fully realizing what we are meant to do because the path to the fulfillment of a dream seems to be unassuring, cast with thorns. It’s easier to be an average clerk than risking a staple amount of money for survival. And I just don’t want to lie in that bed again.
Self, this is only the beginning to a long, winding road of failures and small triumphs.
Thanks for sharing your thoughts about writing. Very well said and great advice. Napag-isip ako kung gusto ko nga na mag-sulat.
Thanks for the kind comments, Bogs. I took a peek of your blog, and I must say, that's one neat blog you got there. Rich, no BS. Very happy to see another blog showcasing the gems we have in the Philippines. Hope this entry fueled you to write even more. The Philippines needs more bloggers like you.