Nab,
With all my best intentions for your birthday, may you finally find that “something” you were looking for when we found each other. May you heal and bring healing to others. May you be happy and at peace with the life you chose. If not, may you find the courage to live the life that honors you and leaves you without regret or turmoil. And may you always, always, be kind to yourself. Everybody needs help once in a while. It’s okay to not be the “adult” who’s always strong, put-together, and carrying it all on your own. There’s power in self-love and leaning on others. You and I, of all people, know that.
Goodbye, salmon. Take care. Thank you for the small digital life we shared. For everything.
https://open.spotify.com/track/11n8LudggXuZXmldSlAadR?si=38f4fd3b66d24a13
https://open.spotify.com/track/3HBcQ5GenzAlBhCIgDGL3x?si=71e62725bfdc4b1b
Love and light,
Gretch
***
On your birthday
I was not intending to greet you.
On mine, I sat in a cab, soaked in rainwater to the knees,
long way home to a sick kid, birthday cake melting
in hand. Inbox empty, waiting for months.
I was not intending to admit my pillow tastes salty
when cold/mess wins the lottery on Spotify
or a Rumi tweet sashays on my feed.
Those friends-more-than-friends things you sent.
I was not intending to watch Superstore.
My eyes wet themselves easily,
and they will
at your favorite sitcom.
I was not intending to write a poem,
but I pressed play, goddamnit.
And I can only cope with words
when Mnemosyne pushes rewind.
When lovestruck Jonah gifted Amy glow stars
on the ceiling and told her it is
a moment of beauty,
I felt the playback reeling.
My skull does not intend to tilt on its axis,
but every 24th an arrival and a departure
squaring my moon:
the day we met, the day we parted, the day you were born.
Tonight I let my head fall back. Whisper,
You know what a moment of beauty is, Jonah?
It’s a sliver of light
as darkness drops in, me sending
a happy birthday to the waxing moon,
stripped of all weight.
It’s when the moon looks back and says,
he once whispered things for you, too.
