Dearest Juliana,
It’s 5:13 in the morning. At this ungodly hour, I think of you as you stretch your feet up in my belly and let out a few wonderful morning kicks. The clock ticks to your 33rd week. Only five to nine more weeks, and me and Daddy would be able to see furl and unfurl your toes in real life.
As early as now, I’m boasting how beautiful and awesome you are in 3D: your round eyes, magandang ilong, gorgeous lips, your plump cheeks. Anak ko ‘yan, I say with overflowing pride. I never tire of watching that 17-minute 4D video of you licking your hand, sleeping, yawning, frowning, smiling, crying, and laughing in my tummy regardless of how many times I’ve watched it. And yes, I still cry out of sheer joy each time. There are so many things to look forward to: your first steps, the first day in school, your first crush.
In fact, I’ve already pondered about taking you to your first magical encounter with the butandings in Sorsogon on your 7th birthday. Then maybe on your 18th, on a hiking expedition to Mt. Pulag
I was kidding. Never get a tattoo…at least not until you’re 21. Regret is an awful place to be in, especially when you’re already at the laser clinic. Take it from Mama’s juvenile experience.
There was a time when being your mom wasn’t like this – always in a frisson of excitement for your next movement and for all the possibilities, like a dog waiting for treats. The truth is, when I found out I was pregnant, I had qualms. I was afraid that with the meager resources we have, we wouldn’t be able to give you the comfortable life that you deserve. I worried that I wouldn’t be able to tip the scales of good motherhood.
But as days unfold, so did this truth: that there’s nothing I will not and could not do to give you the best in life and to be a good parent. I will give my life for you if I have to.
I remember sitting on bus rides home, listening to Hoobastank’s The Reason, and bawling my eyes out. The chorus reads:
I just want you to know
I found a reason for me to change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
A reason for all that I do
And the reason is you
Cheesy, I know. But it’s true. You, our family is that reason, that source of insurmountable happiness. You and Daddy give me reason to be a better person each day, and to always wake up hopeful no matter how shitty the other days are. And like I tell your father, my fervent hope is sana
You may suffer from raging hormone spells during your teens and there will be things we will disagree upon, and just like any adolescent, you’d come to a point when you’d like to spend more time with your friends than with me and Daddy. You will fall in love, settle down and move away from home. But I want you to know that despite all that, you can never disappoint me enough. You can always come home to us, no matter what.
Mommy will never stop loving you. In this house, you will always be accepted for who you are and what you can do.
I love you so much, anak. None of the words I write or have written in the past can ever come close to the depth and breadth and height of my love for you. You will always be my firstborn, my little girl, my light. Whatever happens, wherever I am, know that Mommy will always see you through, and that I will always watch and applaud your little baby steps into the world, even if you’re all grown up.
Much love and anticipation,
Your overly dramatic pregnant mother
I'd allow ze daughter to have a tattoo also, so long as it ain't a bf's name. LOL. Happy Vday!
Hahaha! Ya, me too. Would have to put that in the "Mommy's Rules on Tattooing" list. Happy V-day to you and your super cool family, Gay ^_^