Here’s a secret: When I was pregnant, I prayed for a boy. Jakob I’d name him. Men enjoy more privileges. I want a piece of the pie for my kid. Imagine: instead of a safe delivery or a healthy newborn, I placed my intention on gender. I was 27, still heavily influenced by conventions and society’s eyes – even my own biases. How ironic that in the next few years I’d be finding a wayward self fighting against this patriarchal thinking. That I gave birth to a strong-headed and freedom-loving daughter. Turns out it is exactly what I needed.
Growing up in a system that keeps women in a box, still underrepresented, still carrying the double burden life, still viewed as delicate swans in need of salvaging or delicious apples, desensitizes you. Bearing a daughter changed that. She is now inside that system. There is nothing worse than sending an arrow forth into a decaying world that you only moved in day in and day out and never bothered cleansing.
So I fight for her and her freedoms. And now there’s two more, mother and daughter, women building a life against the current.
On my birthday, she gifted me a beautiful Powerpoint presentation and a handmade card she finished in a transient in Baguio. She was sick but insisted on pushing through and making those gifts. In the Powerpoint she wrote, “You are the best, but you don’t do so good in complimenting yourself.” This is true – a price of growing up not only in a dysfunctional household but also as a trauma survivor in a society where women are often objectified. Commodified.
It reminded me that to teach our daughters to be confident, we must also be gentle and compassionate with ourselves. Every moment in parenthood is an opportunity to shatter the impact of that system inside a home. It is not an easy thing to do, but I am not afraid. Not anymore, unlike when I was 27 wishing for a boy. Because I am a woman raising another woman, who, in birthday cards tells me, “Remember you always have me.”
I wish that kind of sisterhood for all of us women. We must look after each other and remind each other, “You always have me. You need not wish for a son. A daughter is equally important. A daughter matters. We matter.”
